Five Family-Friendly Insults: A Countdown!

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#5. Dork
This word implies one is uncool. Enough said!

#4. Fuddy-Duddy
Like “dork,” this compound word implies one is uncool. Unlike “dork,” it is rarely heard these days, thereby making it ironic and therefore beloved by hipsters!

#3. Dweeb
Spending more time with ideas and objects rather than with people is a trait of an individual whose mind operates as if affected by an autism-spectrum disorder rather than thinking primarily in social terms like most people in a given society; these latter people are sometimes called “neurotypicals” as a convenient shorthand. The term “dweeb” is a put-down because it implies the neurotypical has such poor social skills that he or she might be mistaken as autistic.

The meaning of the insult should hence be devastating to the socially-obsessed member of society, i.e. the majority of people. That is why I directed the term towards YouTube’s legal staff following their asinine decision on the monetization of one of my videos.

#2. “You’d better buy a better insult book!”
This nuclear warhead of insults works on multiple levels by:

  1. Insulting the target’s intelligence and lack of originality, especially if s/he has used vulgar language towards you;
  2. Implying the target doesn’t do his or her research on practical matters; and
  3. Inviting the response, “Or what?!?” to which you may reply, “Or your insults will continue to stink!”

#1. Blockhead
This atomic bomb of insults precedes the comic strip Charlie Brown by almost 1,900 years (1950 A.D. – 50 to 80 A.D.), being mentioned in the biblical Gospels with an admonishment to refrain from uttering it:
King James Version:

But I say unto you, That whosoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgment: and whosoever shall say to his brother, Raca, shall be in danger of the council: but whosoever shall say, Thou fool, shall be in danger of hell fire.

New International Version:

But I tell you that anyone who is angry with a brother or sister will be subject to judgment. Again, anyone who says to a brother or sister, ‘Raca,’ is answerable to the court. And anyone who says, ‘You fool!’ will be in danger of the fire of hell.

Koine (common) Greek version, from the scanned manuscript:

Ego de lego humin oti pas o orgizomenos to adelpho autou enochos estai te krisei; os d’ an eipe to adelpho autou, Raka, enochos estai to sunedrio; ov d’ an eipe, More, enochos estai eis ten geennan tou puros.

As shown above, the original Matthew 5:22 includes an Aramaic word variously transliterated as “raca/raka” — meaning “nothing-minded” — or “raqa,” meaning “I spit on you.” Because Jewish tradition at the time provided tearing of one’s clothes, shaking dust from one’s sandals, and spitting to be three commonly understood means of signifying a person has “become dead” to the individual, the implication of “raqa” would effectively be the same to the extent a “dead” person is also “empty-headed.”

The word “more” in the above transliteration means “fool” in Koine Greek, but I chose “blockhead” as the more impactful term because it is less commonly used today and therefore more likely to stay in the insulted person’s mind. As for the legalistic punishment promised for those who use such terms of abuse — however non-vulgar by today’s standards — “family-friendly” doesn’t always mean God-friendly!

Honorable Mention: Jerk-o
While a mild insult among adults, the word “jerk” is a truncation of a phrase closely related to “jerk on,” and thus it is disqualified from being a family-friendly insult. However, the kid-ified version — “jerk-o” — may elicit chuckles from a youngster. Use your discretion, presuming your faculties permit this!

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Hit Holiday Single!

Insults for Everyone, Fuddy Duddy, Dweeb, Dork, Block Head, Raca, Aramaic, Koine Greek, Family Friendly, Scathing, Buy a Better Insult Book, Comebacks and Retorts

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